Hey folks, I just wanted to write a piece today on an issue that bugs the hell out of me whenever I come “face to face” with it in my daily life. I encounter this issue at times in the usual dealings with folks I know and when I do, I silently stew inside out of frustration for the other person because I think the answer is in plain sight of the complainant. But hey that’s the trick isn’t it? Most of the time we can’t see problems or solutions right under our nose that concern us or the other person.
The issue I am talking about is raising our standards or expectations of life when we should, to create a better life for ourselves. That’s what my blog is about today, folks failing to ask “how can I improve my life??” when stuck in situations that they potentially could make better for themselves. I will be using, what I think are, common examples of this that I have encountered in my daily life to hopefully illustrate instances where I believe, if only personal expectations and standards could be changed, lives could be changed also!!
This will be discussed under the following sections:
- its not love, but its not bad
- poverty is a form of violence!!
- Oh I’ve tried that!!
- That’s it for me now at this age!!
- I hate my job but……..
- My take on it…
Please do enjoy this read and I hope you are challenged enough by it to leave your comments and thoughts below when you are done
“its not love, but its not bad”
How many times have you come across someone you know, that is “stuck” in a relationship that everyone else can see is terrible but they themselves can’t see it??The famous American country singer Merle Haggard wrote a song that was a hit called “its not love, but its not bad”. The tune is basically about a guy that is in a relationship with a woman but he would rather be with his former love. He basically describes his current relationship as a “settle for relationship” while he laments the loss of his ex partner. Every time I run into somebody that is in a relationship that has bad elements to it e.g. abuse(in all its forms),constant fighting etc my mind goes back to the words of this song “its not love, but its not bad”. It’s almost as if the affected party is saying exactly that ,”its not love, but its not bad”, just to get by. If only the unhappy folks were able to just look at what they have, see it for what it is and either fix it or move on……. Does this come down to a choice in expectations and standards??
“poverty is the worst form of violence!!”
Man, this one hurts me when I see it. Only just lately though, because this is the way I have come to look at poverty for what I think it means to those affected, especially if there are children involved. Whenever I see folk struggling financially(me included), I often wonder to myself why do they settle for that life?Of course, to be able to get to the place where one can ask them self that first, there may or sometimes are, other issues standing in the way of actually being able to see that clarity. Anyway back to the topic of poverty,I think Mahatma Ghandi was right when he said “poverty is the worst form of violence!!” When I see it and the stress and pressures associated with it, I couldn’t agree more. It is grinding and soul-destroying and I think even more painful to see on the faces of the children affected. I kind of count myself “lucky” because I know deep down it is not a fete that I believe I have to be resigned to. I believe Gods’ grace and other factors plus my personal belief in expectations and standards for my life actually save me from this.
“Oh I’ve tried that, that won’t work!!”
How many times have you ever had a “light bulb moment” where you might have run across a business opportunity or thought of one and gotten excited and rushed off to tell your loved ones and so called friends??Other times it might not even be a business opportunity, it could be something as simple as telling them your future plans e.g. going to university etc. Most of the time because they either don’t understand it or think that they have you’re best interests at heart, they just go right ahead and pop your dream bubble!! Sometimes the usual response is “Oh I’ve tried that, that won’t work!!” Well what do you do with a response like that??I’ve heard it said “the best way to kill a big dream, is to tell it to a small-minded person”. I personally believe that your response to either listen to or defy them will come down in part to your own personal set of expectations and standards that you hold for your own life. Do you think that this would influence your decision here?
That’s it for me now at this age!!
As my Mum used to say,”time and tide wait for no man” and time does march on for all of us. Sometimes, the older we get, we seem to lose that spark of hope for dreams and aspirations that burned so bright in our youth. I know when I was a younger man, you just couldn’t put it out. I was ten foot tall and bulletproof!! Then life happens to all of us doesn’t it, a few knocks here and there over the years and slowly,slowly the dreams and hope gets knocked out of us. Have you ever tried to tell someone of an opportunity and they say to you,”no thanks, that’s it for me now at this age!!” When I hear that,I hope to God that I never get to that stage. What do you think?Will time make you surrender or lower your expectations and standards for your life???I hope not.
I hate my job but……..
Every workplace has one doesn’t it?You know the guy or girl that just doesn’t want to be there but they proclaim they have to for the money or the “job security”. At times, you will hear them go on and on about it or it is just there in their everyday demeanor.I was in this predicament a few times and speaking from experience,its not a good place to be mentally. Looking back now at two jobs I had that I hated, I just left them. The first time, my former military life separated me from my family so I left that life to be with them. I mean I loved my military job, but I loved my family more!! The second time, I believe the stress was so bad that it made me physically ill, so I left to do this !!
Would you allow any of this to happen to you??Are you allowing any of this to happen to you at present??Have you traded in your expectations and standards for your “job security??”
Addiction in all its forms e.g. gambling, sexual,substance abuse etc can certainly be devastating. These are just a few that are the scourge of societies around the world today. On an individual level, when I see a person struggling with any form of addiction, I do wonder why are they like that??Of course there are a myriad of other factors usually involved but I can’t help but wonder,if they changed their expectations and standards for their life, would this help to get rid of the otherwise destructive behaviors??
What are yours??
Have a go at this. Grab a pen and a blank piece of paper and write down these areas of your life:
- personal growth
- mental well-being
- physical well-being
- your ongoing learning
Now write down your own personal expectations and standards for each of these areas of your life. Don’t make it a thesis, just what comes to mind quickly to mind for you in each area. I tried it and there were no surprises here for me. I am pretty happy to say my results reflected a sunny and clear disposition. Gotta be happy with that!! How did it go for you?Are there things you would like to change??
My take on it…
As you can see from above I have used what I think are everyday examples. The examples I focused on were relationships, money,”security”,self-image, addiction and the issues that can arise around these. From these we were then able to see if personal expectations and standards could play a part in solving some of these issues. Obviously,it would be simplistic of me to say outright that this would solve all of those problems. As I said before, most of the time the judgment of folks is clouded in situations like this.
They can’t even “see the wood for the trees” as other issues are in the way before they can even get to the “place” to even ask if there is anything wrong??I had a friend describe life to me once as a freeway and we are all issued with cars to get along down this road. He went on to say we all get to drive down that road but some of us use all of the gears in the car and some only use a few gears because they don’t even know that they have more gears to use!! My take on it here is that yes, in part our own personal expectations and standards do play a part in influencing the outcome of the above situations. Also,for that to work, we will either have to have those personal expectations and standards as a part of us before any of these situations arise or we choose to let them become a part of us after a hard lesson learnt by the said situation.
Anyway folks, I hope this article has sparked some ideas for you and even challenged you to maybe see how you can apply the ideas in this to your own life. If you have any questions or thoughts on how this article was able to assist you, please do not hesitate to leave me a comment below. I will reply as soon as I can!”
I truly hope that this article was able to assist somebody, somewhere !!